Lost
21. Mar, 2010 
12 Comments
I’m lost. I’m struggling. This “journey” that I am (was) on, seems to have shifted into a full-reverse. And I don’t know how to stop that.
I can barely write this stupid post. It’s been on my mind for days. However, when I first thought of it, the title was going to be Twenty, as in the twenty pounds I’ve regained since losing 85 to begin with. But as of tonight, I’d have to retitle that post Twenty-One.
Twenty-one fucking pounds.
Do you know how long it took me to lose that? How long I was stuck on 263, then on 256? How thrilled I was when I broke into the 240s, with a personal-best 247? That was *so hard*. Nights of sleep cut short. Miles and miles run. Thousands of pounds lifted.
I’m scared to go back there. Scared to try and go in the other direction. That momentum is a killer. I don’t know what to do to stop my current trend and reverse course.
Oh sure, I mean I KNOW what to do. Drink water. Get rest. Go to the gym. Lift weights. Do some extra cardio. Cut out the soda, the pasteries, the high-fat foods like pizza. Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. So why can’t I? Why can’t I do it like I could a year ago? What’s changed?
I don’t know. Nothing. Everything. This shouldn’t be this hard. This could be lots harder. Why could I find the willpower to fight before, and I no longer can?
God, I’m such a hypocrite. I wrote in my last post how to set goals. Know what I didn’t write? How to ACCOMPLISH them.
I’m still not sure just yet. Not sure what to do/say/write. I know that this week will be very hard. I’ve got a stressful couple of projects at work. I’ve got a trip out of town for four or five days.
This can’t become 25. It just can’t. I’ve worked too hard to lose it all to my old self.
I have to fight again. I have to get back up and swing. Keep swinging. I can’t give up.
Please, let me find the fire to win again. Please.
268.7
I know this journey is hard, but you can do this! Jump back on the wagon! Fight for it! It is worth it, YOU Are worth it!
Dude,
Just never give up, If you want it bad enough you will do it. One day at a time. Hang in there and keep posting each day about the positive things you did to become healthy!
Look. It’s hard. This type of journey is a one step forward, two steps back sort of thing.
The question to ask yourself is this: is this worth it? Are YOU worth it?
If the answer is yes, then hold on to that. Keep telling yourself you are worth it. If you’re feeling resistance, then take a step in the positive direction. Get up and do 10 bodyweight squats.
I’m dealing with it myself right now. All I can do is take one day at a time, keep my focus on the positive, and do the little things that matter.
I’m going to hypocrite myself here, but the best thing to do is make a plan and stick to it. One meal, one day at a time.
Focus on the positive, and reinforce those neurons, rather than the ones that tell you you’re not worth it.
Because, guess what? YOU ARE.
Now stand up and do 10 squats. Go!
Don’t throw in the towel. You’ve come too far to quit now. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Hop back on the wagon, take it one bite and one pushup at a time. GO!
You can put the car in reverse. Start doing the opposite of what you’re doing right now. Adjust one thing at a time if you have to and hang in there.
Hang in there man!! You worked way too f*cking hard to get here and you are NOT going to unravel all that blood, sweat and tears. So you slipped some. It SUCKS and it shouldn’t have happened BUT you can stop it right NOW and make it happen.
You are worth it and maybe you need to dig deep and see what got you off track so you can prevent it from happening again. So much of this journey is mental – who freakin knew!?!
I’m rooting you on!
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One decision at a time. You can get back on track. It’s a choice. And then another and another.
Never Give Up, Never Surrender! (I have that tattooed on the inside of my left wrist!)
I too gained back 21 lbs that I lost. I’ve only recently ‘gotten back on the wagon’ – it’s not easy but I know you can do it!
Prayer for you to find that fire. The first step was to ask for help and admit you off track, good job taking it and being accountable, you can do this, lean on me all you need.
I was going to say something and then I read these two lines:
“This can’t become 25. It just can’t. I’ve worked too hard to lose it all to my old self.
I have to fight again. I have to get back up and swing. Keep swinging. I can’t give up.”
There. You said it yourself. Don’t let it happen.
I know that it’s easier said than don. But we believe in you.
Just checking in to see how your doing. Hopefully you can post soon.
It really is hard, Roder, guy.
Tough and gentle is a delicate balance!
So easily thrown off kilter!
Be well – let us know!